Pillow Talk

I have a small issue with insomnia.  Well, it’s a big issue, really, but I’ve had it for so long that me and my sleeplessness have formed a very strong bond.

Over the years, I’ve gone through more tips and tricks than I have the energy to recall and failed to find something that actually worked for me.

The main solutions I’ve tried are: herbal meds (no use), relaxation techniques (made me too anxious), yoga (no actual human is that bendy), hot milk (just wrong), no TV in the bedroom (entirely ineffective), and alcohol (1-2 glasses helps; any more makes it worse).   

Pillow Talk
Needs.  Sleep.   
also used to run 5 miles a day, but that didn’t seem to help, either.   In the depths of my despair, I discovered audio books and quickly became addicted.  

The Audible app I use allows me to download books to my iPad which then lies under my pillow all night, churning out the latest crime thrilllers at 45 min intervals.  I set the timer to 45 min so that, if by some miracle I fall asleep, it won’t be on all night and I won’t wake with a start at 5am, only to realise that the lead character got stabbed in the eye with a rusty penknife three hours earlier.  SO annoying when that happens. 

As I don’t go ANYWHERE without my audio books, this has been the subject of some interesting conversations.   For example, when Les and I first met, I assumed he’d think I was a crazy, so I desperately tried to live without them when I stayed over.   

Pillow Talk
I can’t sleep without listening to some murderin’ on Audible
After a month of being dead tired and dreading spending the night, I decided to take the plunge and switch on the books in bed.  This is the resultant conversation:

Les: ‘What’s that noise?’
Me: Oh, nothing, it’s just an audio book.
Les: ‘how can you sleep with that voice in your head all night?’
Me: ‘it’s much better than the ACTUAL voice in my head…
Les: ‘…ok…night, then.   Zzzzzzzzzzzz’.  

And that was that.  

Fast forward a few years and I took a trip to Paris with my sisters, which involved us sharing a room.   Let’s just say that, even with the sound on the lowest setting, I was on the receiving end of many a tired-eyed dirty look over my baguette and jam each morning.  Both of them were able to recount disjointed parts of a story that they’d missed the first 4 hours of.  And they were none too pleased about it, let me tell you. 

Les has also steadily grown weary of waking to the sound of gunfire and shouting, which is entirely out of place in rural North Wales.  If we lived in inner city Detroit, he maybe better equipped to deal.  

So, on Valentine’s Day he presented me with a pillow.    It was no ordinary pillow, though, as it was kitted out with wires and a small internal speaker.    As it turns out, I just plug the cable into my iPad, lay my head on the pillow and the strains of my audiobook floats through, as if by magic.    If I lift my head off the pillow, I can’t hear a thing, which means it can’t possibly be heard by anyone else.   If I ever meet the person who designed this, I will offer them my first born child.

This is me, lazing on my speaker pillow…
Pete (because that’s the pillow’s name, obviously) is the greatest present I’ve ever received.  (bar my dog because he’s seriously amazing).  However, I have already started to worry about my next holiday when I forgo my hand luggage, clinging to the pillow when I try to board a flight, swearing on my life to the cabin crew that it’s perfectly safe and, no, it doesn’t contain more than 100ml of liquid.     ‘PLEASE LET ME ON…I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT’, I will cry, before being carted off by healthcare professionals and stared at by nervous passengers.

Or, that’s what happens in my head, anyway.   

If you want to check out these awesome inventions, Amazon (as well as many other outlets) has them HERE.

Suz x 

**This is NOT a sponsored post** 

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