Things I Don’t Understand: Makeup Edition

On the run up to any special occasion, when everyone’s getting dolled up to go out on their nights out, I’m generally at home, wondering what on earth all the fuss is about.  Aside from the fact that I’m a complete introvert who hates parties, I’m also largely lazy.  My idea of being dressed up is not wearing trousers with a draw string, or putting a bra on to leave the house.  When it comes to makeup, I literally have no clue.  I own a few bottles of foundation, a clumpy mascara and several million lipsticks; none of which I actually think suit me.  

As well as having no real inclination to change any of this, I honestly just don’t see the point.  Being pretty on the outside doesn’t make you a good person and contouring the Hell out of my face will NOT make me the life and soul of any gathering.  These are more things I don’t understand: 

Things I Don't Understand: Makeup Edition
what happens when I get involved with makeup

Massive Eyebrows:
I don’t get it.  Sure, some of them are incredible but, OHMYGOD, how much effort does that actually involve on a daily basis?? Who has the time to dedicate to drawing things on their face that aren’t actually there or were removed during a fad where teeny weeny lines across your brow were all the rage? And when will the end? What happens to all the women who are tattooing huge arches on their face when the latest trend goes? 

It’s not even really just the eyebrows; it’s also the bleached hair accompanied by the black, drawn in brows that cause me to shake my head.  I honestly just don’t get why you would make your hair yellow and then draw your eyebrows in black.   Maybe it’s because I’m so fair.  I look mental with dark brows because my skin is so white it’s practically blue.   

Anyway, I’m fairly certain when it all goes to hell, I’ll still be here with my blonde brows that can hardly be seen, just sitting wondering what all the fuss was about.

Kylie Jenner Lips:
Now, this isn’t an attack on Kylie Jenner.  Let’s just make that clear.  She’s an independent girl who’s doing very well for herself.  As far as I’m concerned, that should always be applauded.   What I don’t understand is the whole lip filler thing and why people are desperate to have lips just like her. What’s wrong with your own lips, people? Why does everyone want to look the same?? Can’t we celebrate our differences?  I get that her lips are lovely…on her.  That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good look on everyone.   As with most makeup trends, it’s highly likely that I’m just too lazy to understand the effort.  

Things I Don't Understand: Makeup Edition
this is what I see when people pull that face

Trout Pout Selfies:
OMG just stop. You’re already lovely and making that face does NOT help.  I don’t think I’ve ever made this face; mainly because I can’t abide it, but also because I don’t understand why people think it makes them look attractive. It’s like the whole massive eyebrows, caked in eyeliner, over drawn lips thing.  What are you doing?

It strikes me as some deep rooted unhappiness that someone thinks they have to change so much that they no longer actually look like themselves.  I know that makeup can highlight features and minimise flaws, but not quite to that extent. Mind you, what do I know?  I hate having my photo taken way too much to have the opportunity to do the whole trout pout thing in the first place. 

(And yes, I am aware that not liking having my photo taken is a side effect of not liking the way I look as much as it is for those who are cemented in make up)

Things I Don't Understand: Makeup Edition
I own one brush…and I have no idea where it is

I understand the concept and I’ve even watched some amazing videos, but I just don’t get the attraction.  My face is, well….my face, and no highlighter or shader will ever change that.  I don’t even have the energy to try it, never mind actually achieve chiseled cheekbones, or whatever else it is it’s supposed to do. 

No amount of contouring will change the fact that I like eating crisps and drinking wine on a saturday night and no amount of promises that it’ll make me look like Kim Kardashian will force me out of bed early enough in the morning to even bother trying it.  I’ve had my face for 38 years;  I’m way too lazy to attempt changing it now.  Besides, who would recognise me if I suddenly turned up at my office looking totally different, with a thinner nose and no bags under my eyes?  I get the feeling after you’ve contoured once, you’d have to keep going, every single day, to maintain the look. The mere thought of that makes me very, very sleepy.  

So, I’ma just stay over here, wearing the occasional bit of foundation and considering myself glamourous when I can be bothered putting on some eyeliner.  But for every one of you who makes the daily effort to do all this stuff; part of me thinks you’re mental and part of me thinks your commitment is amazing. 

Suz x 


1 thought on “Things I Don’t Understand: Makeup Edition”

  1. YES! Someone else who's like me! I have NO IDEA what the hell this makeup business is… sure some makeup is AMAZING but I haven't got the time, money nor inclination to do it to myself. And as for trout pouts…. stop it already!


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