Things I Don’t Understand: TV Edition

‘If you’ve ever read the blog before you’ll be well aware that there are LOTS of things I don’t understand…’

Seriously; it’s quite worrying. Anyway, although I tend not to watch a great deal of TV, when I actually take time to sit down, I often spoil it for myself by making stupid observations.

I’m fairly certain I’m not alone in this, but once I’ve noticed something, I find it difficult to stop concentrating on it. Just so you know, I don’t go out of my way to notice these things.  It just kinda happens sometimes.

These are my recent observations :

X Files
I recently started re-watching Mulder and Scully when I realised it was on Amazon Prime. As I’ve seen may of them before, I terms to stick them on in the background while I’m writing as it tends not to matter if I miss something.

I’m not even at the end of the first season and Scully’s refusal to believe anything Mulder comes up with is already grating on me. I mean, I know they’ve only been working together for a wee while, but she’s already encountered some truly weird shit. This is a woman who had a fully grown man squeeze through a tiny vent in her wall to try and eat her liver and she’s all like: ‘science can explain this’. No, love. No it can’t.

Just last night, a ten year old girl was killing blokes with her mind and, even after Scully actually *witnessed* the whole Exorcist type thing, she was still having none of it. Its been too many years since I first watched X Files to recall whether she’s just like this through all 206 seasons (or however many there are) but, God I hope not. The Truth is literally staring you in the face, Dana.

The Walking Dead
Now, I know that you have to have a fairly loose sense of reality to even get through this, but bear with me here. I can cope with All Of The Zombies, all the killing, murdering, and even the fact that all the women have great makeup and clothes that fit them perfectly, but who the HELL is cutting all the grass?

It’s a zombie apocalypse, people. You wouldn’t take your lawnmower outside for two reasons. One: it’ll make too much noise and attract Walkers and, two: even if the noise didn’t attract them, it would almost certainly mean you wouldn’t be able to hear a random Walker sneaking up. You’d be dead in minutes. And your lawn would still be a total mess. Yet, every time you see the countryside, the grass is immaculate. I can’t take my eyes off it now that I’ve noticed. And it bothers me deeply. Also, I keep half expecting Andrew Lincoln to try communicating with a zombie through a fence with a bunch of signs, like he did in Love Actually.


why isn’t everything totally overgrown by now?
I’ll be totally honest with you and say that I *hate* this programme. Unfortunately, my husband loves it, so I often find myself of an evening, sitting in my chair, shouting at the TV. It’s not that I don’t love cooking, and I am low-key obsessed with GBBO, but I can’t stand the food or the comments on Masterchef.  If Greg raves about something, John hates it, and vice versa. That makes me think it’s less about the quality of the ingredients than it is about personal taste.
Also, OMG do I hate watching people cook the tiniest plate of food imaginable, which consists of artichoke veloute on a bed of pureed celeriac with courgette flowers on top.  Obviously, the courgette flowers have to put on top of the dish with a pair of tweezers, and the artichoke vacuum packed in some mad contraption, and the whole thing wouldn’t keep you going for more than 15 minutes before you were hangry again.
I simply don’t understand the fascination. Don’t even get me started on the critics that come in…

Luckily, I was lucky enough to catch a Scottish bloke on it last week who actually made fish and chips with curry sauce as a main meal. There wasn’t a sous vide piece of meat or a deconstructed beef wellington in sight.

I was gutted when he didn’t make deep fried mars bar for pudding, right enough, but I’ll take what I can get.  I’ll let slide that he triple cooked his chips, but that’s just because he’s Scottish and I was overwhelmed by the fact that he made normal food.

Soap Operas
I hold my hand up and say I don’t watch any soaps on TV.  This is mainly because I find them massively depressing (I’m thinking of you, Eastenders…) and also because I have other things to do. Like watching paint dry. However, I have lived in a home with someone who DID watch soaps, so I have a good grasp of them.

I haven’t watched for about 5 years, but whenever they’re on everything pretty much looks exactly the same, to be honest.  My main problem with soaps, and lets take Eastenders as an example, is that everyone seems to get a job in the space of two square miles, despite the fact that the live in London where, presumably, there are quite a few jobs.  And, have you noticed that they always manage to get a house in the square?  And they all drink in the same pub?

I live in a small town in rural North Wales and I work in a jobcentre in another small town in rural Mid Wales. I can categorically confirm that the entire population of these two villages do NOT work in them.  It’s just not feasible.  

We also don’t all know each other and have more than one local bar.  When one of our residents goes away to university or to live in Spain, for example, they also very rarely come back as a completely different person without anyone batting an eyelid.


Suzanne x


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