Although I’m a lazy girl at heart, I do sometimes make a *tiny* bit of effort. I’m a sucker for an instagram photo or a Buzzed makeup tutorial; even if this is just to look at and gaze in wonder at the skills people have. I very rarely, if ever, have the inclination to actually *do* these things because… Well, I’m busy NOT doing these things.
One of my friends has amazing eyebrows, which I had literally no idea were largely filled in and, over the months, I’ve toyed with the idea of doing something with my own. I’m blonde. Like, very blonde. I have extremely pale skin and eyebrows that are barely there, so I figured there maybe wasn’t any gain to be had from bothering with them. However, that didn’t stop me from purchasing an eye brow kit from my local Superdrug, because it had the lightest powder shade I’d ever seen and I figured it would be perfect for me. Now, not only do I know nada about eyebrows; I also know nothing about what shape they’re supposed to be. Let’s say it was an interesting afternoon….
I figured anything remotely Kardashian-esque was a no go. Firstly, because I don’t have dark hair and, secondly, because I have no wish to look quite that fake. Don’t get me wrong; they’re all gorgeous women, but the look is a bit too much for me. I don’t want to look like I’ve spent the morning drawing all over my face. I’m just interested to see if it makes the impact on me that it seems to on everyone else. I settled in with my kit, which consisted of a brush type thing and three colors (in ever increasing shades of gloom) and, what I initially assumed was a clear mascara, but later found out was a gel that held my brows in place. Who knew such a thing existed and that I would ever have a use for it? Not me.
Around 30 frustratingly long minutes later, I had one beautifully sculpted and drawn in brow and another that looked like a child had drawn it on with a Sharpie. Both were dark. REALLY dark. So dark, in fact, that I looked absolutely deranged. More so, I mean. I grabbed some cotton buds and gently wiped off the excess, but I still looked quite frightening. I wiped more and more and, eventually, the colour improved enough to look like it actually belonged on my skin tone.
Basically, I’d just taken it all back off again and, only at that point, did I start to look halfway normal. Clearly this is something that’s going to take a LOT of practice and a lot of seeing myself with actual eyebrows to get used to. Surely I can’t be the only blonde that doesn’t want black brows? I already suffer from severe resting bitch face and this ensemble made me look like I was about to go postal, to be honest. I doubt even my husband would have had the balls to come ask me what I wanted for dinner in case I chopped him up into little pieces. And, so, the whole Eyebrow Experiment’ was pretty much a disaster and all I did was it was remind me of those Star Trek guys with the massively furrowed heads that always look cross. Anyway, not to be put off, I tried it again (a little less heavy on the colours) the following day…and the day after that and, you know what? It doesn’t look quite as shocking as it did on the first or second day and it does make a difference. I still have resting bitch face, but ‘aint nothing gonna take that away.
Not only have I got eyebrows, I’ve also started scrolling through Instagram posts and Youtube videos looking at lipstick stuff. Give me another 10 years and a whole lot of time off work and I might just be able to master what other women do every day before hitting the office.